My first term conclusion.

So, here I am, babysitting in Calgary. The twins are great, sleeping like the little angels they are in the room right across from me. My cousins are gone on a date; this is pretty much the first time they've been away from the twins since they got out of the hospital. I find it pretty flattering that I'm the only one they've trusted so far to take care of them by myself; apparently I'm good with babies! Not too hard, Amy and Alicia are really easy to keep happy.

So, I've been here for four days already. Holy crow, this week is flying by, and I need to get more studying done. But I'm okay, I know I'll hit the books like crazy in the next couple of days and do really well. These last few days have been heaven on earth for me. I needed some "domestic bliss" to recenter. I've been running every day for the first time in a while, and I just pushed myself into doing a 6K today with a 2K hill, and it felt great. It's funny how the first few runs I had when I got here was just to get rid of that stress left over from everything back in Edmonton, but these last few runs have been to give myself some stress so that I feel like I'm getting stronger each time I go. And I am. Good thing I have been running, too. My cousins don't hold back when it comes to getting me to eat (cheesecake from the cheesecake cafe?)... or maybe I'm just not used to regular scheduled meals....

It feels so good to not have so much stress on me for once. I know I made the right decision to come here. As much fun as it would be to go out with friends and do all the volunteer stuff and get pulled into this and that back in Edmonton, I know I needed the rest and the lack of committment before heading into the "final stretch"... heh heh. I absolutely love being busy, but lately I feel like I've been losing myself, losing sight of my goals and who I really am... because I haven't had time to think, to be by myself for once, to rest and recover.

I've just been going non-stop, and there's a difference between being busy to keep yourself interested and challenged, and being so busy that you get caught with no time to think and remember what you're doing it for. I've expended myself to the limits so many times, thinking I was just making myself stronger each time. But I'm just setting myself up for a fall.

This next term I plan to back off and give myself more time for me. Taking less courses. Sure, I'll take longer to finish my degree, but my brain and body will arrive at convocation intact this way. School is NOT a race. It's OKAY to graduate when YOU want and SCREW those who are able to do five courses and the 6 volunteer things and the part time job and the tri club practices and bronze cross and dance class and 3 labs, get above a 3.0 GPA and still have a lively social life. I just did that. (Wow, I just did that? Am I nuts? ...affirmative.) As the War Amps say, "NEVER AGAIN."

Evenings after tri club, from now on, will be reserved for Jeanine only. Like I have the energy for social plans at the end of the day. No longer will I feel guilty for losing touch with a friend or two. I have to take care of myself before I can take care of others. This means unless I really really like a guy, and he goes far, far out of his way to show that he likes me, no dating anymore. Sundays = all MINE. I want to make it to church every once in a while. I'm also scheduling an hour during the day where I can just do something that makes me happy, whether it's crocheting, reading a book, going for a run, bubble bath, whatever I want.

I'm going to have a part time job that pays me more than $10/hour, and has good, flexible hours. I don't want to have to worry about student loans constantly and never having enough money. I end up screwed when I have to find a new place to live. When my wisdom teeth have to come out. When my computer and printer break down. When this happens. When that happens. When anything happens. I'm sick of it, and I won't rely solely on them anymore. I just can't stomach it.

Exercising regularily. No more of this "only able to do tri club practices between volunteer meeting #1 and #2 and if I reschedule my office hours to 2pm instead of 3pm and fit in that extra study session between 3pm and that lab review and that interview." I want to run, swim, and make revving practices regularily. They make me happy, keep me sane, and I want to do that triathlon this summer. Exercising will NO LONGER take the back seat. I love it and need it and refuse to do without it any longer. If I have time, maybe I'll stick in some skating and volleyball and dance... but only if I have time, of course. Tri comes first.

My last comment is... I have to do this, and should have done it a while ago. First term, I find I always run in with my guns blazing and burn out before November. This term, I want to be happier and find time to breathe. I am officially a science TF, and I want to have time to enjoy what I know is going to be some awesome orientation fun. I think that this will be the greatest term ever. I am putting my foot down. Jeanine has spoken. Abort. Over and out.