Vacation

Vacation: A period of time devoted to pleasure, rest, or relaxation.

I really don't remember the last time I've truly been on a vacation. Sure, I've gone somewhere and spent a few hours of vacation while there. My parents have never been the vacationing type. It's been mainly camping. Camping is something I really love doing. However, camping has too much purpose involved. And rest and relaxation isn't something that really happens in a tent or camper with mosquitos everywhere, with no running water and freezing nights. Rest and relaxation happens on a warm beach, in a jacuzzi, or on a cruise ship, or at a bed and breakfast somewhere.

I need a real, true, vacation. Right now I'm starting to doubt where I am in life. Am I really doing what I want? Or just spinning, set on a course with no real set destination because that's just the path I happened to make for myself? I know the answer is yes, I am doing what I want. But I just need to get away for a little bit and let myself figure that out. I want to get away from all the people I'm trying to please and that I'm letting steer my life without even realizing it. I need to get really happy doing nothing at all, until I get bored and restless and realize that I need this to stimulate me. "This" being everything I get myself into.. the volunteer, the triathlon stuff, the class, the job, the friends (and boys).

Sometimes I want to throw my cell phone as far away as I can, dump my computer in the Saskatchewan, ignoring the 50 new emails I get every day, and step out of my shoes (leaving no one else to fill them... would the world survive?) walking barefoot off into the wild. I'd roll up my pants and jump through all the puddles the way I do when I go for a run. Go on a horseback ride to nowhere in particular. Spin around and around on a carousel and roll down a long, grassy hill. There'd be no one there to do everything that I've been doing for the last few years. I just realized how much I'm taken for granted, not only by the people I love, but by myself. I wish I could say I'm going to back off and give myself a break, but until I distance myself from this city, I just never let myself. This is my "today" rant. Tomorrow will be better. But I can still hope... and wish... can't I?

I wish student loans also had a portion in the budget they make up for me saying "Vacation funds to save poor overworked student's sanity."

Song: Blue Rodeo - Try
Picture: How long is the night?