It hurts more than anyone realizes... 

I Hate Concrete

This morning I rode the bus home from Blake's. It takes a bit of a scenic route, and I found myself captivated by the hundreds to thousands of houses in Riverbend. From mansions in those varying shades of pastel stucco that we all see in suburbia to older homes and everything in between. And I learned that the idea of living in a cookie cutter house with a faceless job and a faceless life that a thousand other people could live makes me want to vomit.

I want to live a life where I never have to care much about what other people think. I want to live a life where I do things other people wouldn't dream of. Let them stay scared to break out of their mould on their way to their faceless jobs in their well-insured generic car of a generic colour.

Give me a mountain to climb, a journey to bike, a river to swim. Get me away from these houses where you look outside your back window and all you see is backyard fences going on forever. I feel so locked in. Sometimes I feel like I need space so badly that I can't breathe unless I run far, far away.

Nobody seems to understand. My heart feels like it's breaking every day I remain surrounded by concrete, every day that my only temporary escape is to a city park, every day that I come home on a sidewalk rather than a dirt road with the moonlight coming down through the trees. I want to go back to where I was last summer, where I didn't have to try so damned hard to be happy. I just was.

I could never live in the city. It's not meant to be. Get me out of here before I lose myself.

Song: Something Corporate - Space
Picture: My own way